DOES GOD REALLY LOVE ME? - MUSINGS ON A COLD EASTER MORNING

A lot of times I have paused to wonder if God really does love me as the Bible says; and if He does, why? Very many times in my over twenty year stay on earth so far, I have pondered over this issue. Sometimes I agree that God does love me, other times I wonder what could have made Him forsake me in those times it seemed like He did. Often times I have asked for forgiveness of confessed sins over and over again thinking “well maybe He still has some grudge for me for having annoyed Him in so and so way, so let me keep saying sorry; hopefully He’ll one day finally decide to forgive and forget and start letting the light of His countenance shine upon me again.” But I have now come to realize that I have been viewing God as an all-powerful, knowing, seeing and mighty human instead of the God He is- and still with all those attributes. Human beings will do things for me because of something(s) I had done for them, or something they hope they will get from me. But not my God, He does things for me simply because He loves me and not because I had done some stuff for Him in the past or that He hopes I’ll do some stuffs for Him in the future.

God wouldn't bear grudges against me, no! Actually He does forgive me as soon as I truly repent of my sins and say sorry to Him for having done them. He’s no human that may forgive and never forget- which may, as a result, affect the way he/she relates with me from then onwards and vice versa. But God forgives me, cleanses me and brings me back into communion with Him, and then forgets that I sinned. In other words, He relates with me again as usual, not letting the forgiven sin come in between our relationship. And then I mess up again, and then he forgives me again after I have said sorry again. No wonder He is God and not man! Because I can’t keep annoying any human being every other day- knowingly or unknowingly, consciously or unconsciously- and expect the person to keep forgiving me all the time, or worse still, for the relationship to still remain the same after every reconciliation.  But that’s how my relationship is with God; He even tries to pull me much closer to Himself than ever before so that I won’t offend Him in the same way again- such love! So yes, this is just one of many proofs that God really does love me, even me.

And then various troubles and worries litter my path and I pause again to think, “Does God really love me?” I sincerely do not remember having this weight of burdensome worries for such a long time before. And consciously or unconsciously, they cause me to pause and wonder, “Does God really love me?” If He does, how come He lets unpleasant things happen to me? I for one wouldn't sit by and watch something bad happen to anybody I love, especially if it’s within my control to manipulate the outcome.

So I go to God’s love letter to me- the Bible- for answers. And I come across the story of Job, again. But this time the story has a deeper meaning to me than before, and I can readily identify with the story therein. Job really was a righteous man in spite of the fact that He was rich and it really is difficult to be both at the same time, cue Jesus’ words in Mark 10:23. But Job was that and even more and God was really happy and proud of him that He boasted to Satan about Him, not once but twice! And then when Satan started torturing Job (with God’s permission of course), it seemed as if Job will buckle under pressure as he cried out,

 “The fearsome arrows of God All-Powerful have filled my soul with their poison.” (Job 6:4)

 And he did question God a lot of times, even inviting Him to a round-table to discuss where and how he (Job) had gone wrong to merit all these trials. His friends even advised him to be patient while God corrects him- inaccurately assuming that Job was being punished for his misdeeds! Bildad even went a step further to conclude that Job’s children had died as a payment for their sins and that Job should shut the hell up while he endured the punishment from God for his sins- talk about friends knowing just the ‘right’ things to say in bad situations. But in addition to his patience which is what we remember him for, I admire the fact that Job recognized that it was God- not the devil, his rival businessman, neighbour or ‘enemy’ friend- that was in charge of all that was happening to him. He knew that even if his rival was behind his troubles, the Almighty was the one who gave the go-ahead nevertheless.

And with all the lessons I have learned from Job’s predicament and triumph, I will yet wait on God to fulfil His promises in my life. He said I will be fine and I believe Him. Although the terrain looks very rough from where I stand, I know there’s light at the end of the tunnel.  I would do well to always remember that my Father’s in charge of this ship called my life and I’m sure He would never let me fall.

Thank you Lord because I know that you are working your purpose out in my life and that in so far as much as I keep trusting and obeying you, I’ll always be happy in you. Thank you for loving me unconditionally and for never letting go of my hand, even in my unfaithfulness. Thank you very much for the ultimate proof of your love to mankind by freely giving us the priceless gift of redemption through the ministry, suffering, death and resurrection of your son- Jesus Christ. Oh make us love thee, in the good times and the bad times, more and more.

Happy Easter celebration.