DADDY, MY DADDY, TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE

© Somadina Mbadiwe

Lovers of the late Jim Reeves’ songs will quickly relate the above lines with one of his titles: Daddy, My Daddy, Teach Me How to Pray. Today, my own cry (and I hope you join me) is for Daddy to teach me how to love.

Two incidences that happened recently in my life brought to my face squarely the need for more love. The first was listening to Bishop Matthew Hassan Kukah, the current Catholic Bishop of Sokoto Diocese (more popularly known by Nigerians as Father Kukah). The second was watching the action (reaction, rather) of my co-passenger in a cab as we were coming back home late one night. I will present both experiences here as I share the powerful lessons they have taught me.

The first: Father Kukah, speaking on The Folly of Ethnic Compartmentalization at TEDx Euston veered off a little bit to remind us of what Jesus noted will be the basis of judgement on the Last Day, as recorded in Matthew 25:31-44. He noted that many of us will miss heaven, not so much because of the evils we did, but because of the good we failed to do.

The Judgement will be “…Get away from me, you who are accursed, into the eternal fire that has been prepared for the devil and his angels! For I was hungry, and YOU GAVE ME NOTHING to eat. I was thirsty, and YOU GAVE ME NOTHING to drink. I was a stranger, and you DIDN'T welcome me. I was naked, and you DIDN'T clothe me. I was sick and in prison, and you DIDN'T visit me.

“Then they will reply, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or as a stranger or naked or sick or in prison and didn't help you?' Then he will say to them, ‘Truly I tell you, in that you did [not] do it for one of the least important of these, you did [not] do it for me’.”

When Father Kukah made those remarks, I quickly made a mental search through all the teachings of Jesus on Judgement Day and it dawned on me that this was about the only time Jesus spoke of that Great Day in very plain terms. Most of the time, He describes the Day in parables. Discovering this made me take those words a lot more seriously than before.

Fast forward to the second event: I was coming back from an unsuccessful search for petrol very late in the night – around past eleven. I took a cab back home. As I was waiting for more passengers to fill up the cab, another guy entered. Apparently in a hurry, he decided to pay for the remaining seats so we could move. Unfortunately, before the cab could move a distance, it developed fault. The driver tried to move again but the fault persisted, so he had to pack and open his bonnet to fix his cab.

The normal behaviour for typical Lagos passengers (one of which I have become) in such situation, if they have not paid the fare, is to simply walk out and join the next available cab or bus, scolding and cursing the driver for bringing out faulty vehicle for business. Add this to the fact that it was already getting to 12 midnight. Then add the fact that my unsuccessful fuel search made me frustrated. You will understand my initial reaction: get out of the car and join another (we could still see some cabs loading).

But as I was about leaving, the guy behind started asking the driver what the problem was. He encouraged the driver to get down and fix the cab properly. He even tried to provide the driver with some light from his dim phone. I was awed! I thought to myself: This guy had more reason to ditch this driver than I do; if not for anything, he wouldn't have to pay for the extra seats if he joined another vehicle. It marvelled me that he offered to help, so I turned back to join them fix the car. I provided better light from my Android phone and that sped up to car-fixing work. In no time, we hit the road again.

Reflecting on these two events, I found myself asking again: Which of the commandments is the greatest? Of course, I knew the answer: Love the Lord your God… Love your neighbour as yourself (Mark 12: 30-31). It then dawned on me that our judgement will be largely based on our (in)ability to love: love God and our neighbour.

I want to focus here on our love for our neighbour. I will talk about our love for God in a different piece.

The most basic expression of love is in giving – of our thoughts, our time, our talents as well as our treasures. Now, we all have friends, family, relatives and other acquaintances. Giving to these ones are normal, natural and expected from us. That was why Jesus did not count it as big deal in His famous Sermon on the Mount. He said, “… If you love only those people who love you, will God reward you for that? Even tax collectors love their friends. If you greet only your friends, what's so great about that? Don't even unbelievers do that? (Matt. 5: 46-47).”

Our love for our own is at best selfish: selfish in the sense that we always expect the love to be mutual; we expect to receive as much as – if not more than – we give. Even when we (decide to) make new friends and acquaintances, we quickly assess them to see what and what we can gain from them. We seek out those that will sharpen us, improve our lives and energize our visions, not necessarily those whom we will contribute meaningfully to without expecting same. Now this is a very natural instinct, so we usually don’t feel bad about it. In fact, we praise such moves as smart and even teach our children to do so.

Jesus calls us to something much higher and different. His call to love goes beyond loving our own family and friends (most of which we made or kept for “mutual” benefits). He calls us to reach out to our enemies and oppressors: this we may also do for selfish reasons – to win back their favour. The most intriguing for me is that He calls us to love those whom we have absolutely nothing to gain from; people who cannot even repay us even if they want to!

How do we respond to the neighbour next door whose only ingredient for cooking rice is palm-oil (for colouring) and Indomie spice (for taste)? What do we do for that our church member whose only reason for not taking JAMB this year was because there wasn't enough money to buy the form? What about those children around us who suffer certain sicknesses longer because the necessary drugs are too expensive for the parents? Etc. etc.

From simple observations and a few experiences, I have come to realize that it usually doesn't cost so much to make a big difference in people’s lives. I have since the past few days slept and woken up with the thought and prayer for God to increase my capacity to love. I desire – against my normal human disposition – to, so to speak, give the Lord something to eat when He’s hungry, something to drink when He’s thirsty, a home to cool off when He’s stranded, something to wear when He’s naked, and some care and visits when He’s sick and in prison. I can only do these by doing them for the least among us.

I welcome you all to the Month of Love. In a few days from now, we will celebrate our loved one(s) in special ways. Let us spend some time this month reflecting on the Theme of Love. Apostle John tells us, “This is how we know what love is: Christ gave his life for us. We too, then, ought to give our lives for others! If we are rich and see others in need, yet close our hearts against them, how can we claim that we love God? My children, our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action (1Jn. 3:16-18 GNB)”.

To end with the words of Father Kukah (paraphrased): The problems of Nigeria are too many for any one of us to solve; but we can start from somewhere – no matter how little. It may not be significant to you, but it will really go a long way.

Daddy, my Daddy, teach me how to love.